A JJ Weekend

Gee... I've an overdose of JJ. Enough is enough. No more JJ for at least 2 weeks. Man... I went for his concert on sat and was dragged to see his qian chang hui on sun. I mean... I like him and his voice is great, but... well... I like simple songs, a nice little orchestra, soaring voices... but Sat was too over the top. Where is the nice, tshirt-wearing (yes, we all agree that singlets don't suit JJ) boy next door with the gorgeous voice? Instead he was belting out all his dancing songs and the loudspeaker and screaming girls nearly blew my eardrums out. Girls... hold on to your horses... we are here to listen to him sing, not to compete with him to see who can sing a higher note. ARGH. Can't stand screaming girls. Or maybe cos' I'm pass the screaming age... come to think of it... I screamed alot at track and field events last time... Hmmmm.... Anyway... stop screaming... bad for voice... will get nodules...

But there was this nice little segment where JJ played on his piano and sang... yes... just the nice little piano and the nice little boy with the pretty voice. Simple, clean... sleek. 10 points! I enjoyed that most.... Perhaps I'm old fashioned... but I think nice little simple concerts does it best for me. Like Corrine May's recent concert. Good old fashioned singing + great band = Wonderful night. Or that musical concert I went long time ago, with Joanna Ampil singing "On my Own"... it was so magical. Sighs.....

But all in all... I had fun. Great to see a fellow Singaporean sing so well and make it big as well. Gambate JJ!!! Wo Hui Yong Yuan Zhi Ci Ni!!!!

Are fairytale weddings a fairytale for me :'(

Went to a fairytale wedding today. It's like those stuff made in movies. Rich guy meets pretty girl and they live happily ever after. I sometimes think that mushy weddings are meant to antagonise single people... to make them feel so envious that they can't sleep at night or turn green with envy. Hehe. Yeah yeah, i know lar, actually they just want to share their happiness with the people around them and I'm being a wet blanket. But going to hit the big 2-6 in 3mths time means that my chance of being like the happy couple is going down exponentially, much as I hate to admit it and, yes, as much as the guys in the office like to tease me about. But well, life goes on... even if my prince charming didn't prance out to rescue me... I'll still gambate and sing and laugh. As I always say :- As long as I can sing, things will be fine. :)

To go or to stay?

No no no, I'm not deciding whether to ditch my other half (if there's one), haha, but yeah, in another sense... my job is my other half.... since I camp almost half my life in my cube surrounded with half dismantled printers and tons of PCAs. There was a time when I was truly enthusiastic about all these and wish that I was a super guru obsessed with electronics and that I can see - see how the electrons flow and breathe EMI. But since I was a super goondu when I first started out, with hardly anybody to turn to, and the new guys around me were talking about PCB, 6 layer boards, vias, USB and so on... I felt small and stupid, cos' all of were oddly unfamiliar to me. Yes, I didn't even know what a USB cable was. I was that technologically backward. Amazing why they hired me. KEKEKE.

Anyway, it was at that period whereby I made an oath. When one day, ONE DAY (I repeat), when I finally become slightly more knowledgeable than any newbies and they need my help... I will TEACH them, no matter how idiotic they are. Cos' I know how it feels like to be lost and lonely and stupid. In case I have rotten tomatoes thrown at me... No, I haven't met anybody who is an imbecile (Why I use a BIG word "imbecile" is because super boy genius called somebody an imbecile today and that word keeps ringing in my brain) who needs my help. But there are times when I was able to provide some assistance, and it sometimes feels great, cos' I have become kinda good at something to give help :). So well, those days of datasheet reading and board designing has honed me quite a bit, and I'm glad. But the thing is, do I still want to do this? Or go somewhere else and try something else? I have new roles coming up, but frankly... I'm not all that keen. I feel like a bird who's safe in a nice cage with food and shelter, but I'm aching to spread my wings and take in newer sights.

Fly away, meadowlark
Fly away in the silver morning
If I stay, I'll grow to curse the dark
So it's off where the days won't bind me
I know I leave wounds behind me
But I won't let tomorrow find me
Back this way

The Boy with the Red Umbrella is Back!

Yes, remember my knight with the red umbrella who defended me through hordes of traffic on one great fine day when I was totally almost ready to give up on ever meeting a gentlemanly guy? Yes, he's back at choir, very hard at work learning the new songs for the upcoming competition and looking happy and cheerful. Guys with a positive attitude, winning smile and a gorgeous voice are always so attractive. :D Yes David Campbell is in the list too!

Dear old lao kok kok Dad

Yes, I'm the daughter that never buys any father's day present for her daddy. Or even make much of an effort to remember my dad's birthday. My little idiot bro is even worse. So yup, we are 2 overpampered grownup kids who take everything for granted and just like the Peanuts characters, we are more overcome with anxieties than worrying about our needs.

My dad is classic manager material. If not for him being born in the wrong time and if he was given better education, he would probably be super successful. I wouldn't say he is amazingly intelligent, but he is sharp and works smart and hard. Plus, he keeps his mind positive and continues to upgrade himself even though he is already lao kok kok. Haha. All in all, I believe these qualities are enough to make a person do pretty well in work and life. So well, he's the guy who makes me guilty when I complain about my work or become depressed with my "shitty" life. He will wear his lao hua spectacles which are slightly dropping down his nose, look over the rims and say "Yi ge ren kai bu kai xin dou shi quan kao ta zhi zi." Or the more memorable one when I was really upset over something which I can't remember now and he told me " Bu guan fa sheng se mo si, tai yang hai shi cong xi bian shang lai, ne de ba ba hai shi ne de ba ba, ne de ma ma hai shi ne de ma ma." Ok... it may sound cheesy now, but when you hear it when you are going through a crisis, it is like a wall of strength.

Even today, he will sit on the sofa after he gets home, read the straits times with the highlighter, and highlight words he can't understand and checks the dictionary on the side table for these words. Man, and me bro and I were like cleopatra lying on the couches watching bimbotic tv shows. Anyway, what I want to say is that... well, my dad is great. And thanks to him and my kooky mum, me bro and I are brought up pretty well. And when I lapse into moments of unhappiness or when life seems to keep hurling smelly laundry at me, I will try to keep my disposition cheerful and my mind happy. Gambate ne!

Singing in the Rain

I love to sing, but I have just ended my lessons with my voice teacher of 2 years cos' -

(1) It's ex.
(2) I'm simply too tired especially after I joined choir that my health was taking a nosedive.

But now, after 2 weeks of no lesson, I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms. Things like "Will I forget everything I have learnt", "Gee, I have nothing to do at night" and "I need my security blanket lessons to remind me things I should and should not do". Those weekly hourly lessons often badly bruise my ego, since my teacher is those crazy loud super obnoxious person who is overconfident with her craft. She'll scream loud things in her big operatic voice like "You call that singing?! I don't even know what you are doing!" or "Can you remember what I always tell you?!!!"... yup... and you get the flow.... I don't particularly like her voice... well... cos'... I don't really care much for opera, but man, can she teach. She knows exactly what you need correcting and what you are doing wrong, so every week was like a relearning session and I go away feeling that I have corrected more mistakes in my singing. Now... I feel lost and there's nobody I can turn to to talk about singing... Geez... I feel insecure....

I think I'll go home and write down all that she has told me.... yup... that's it.... that's what I should do.... lost... lost... lost... lost....

Mutant Scaredy Cat

Yes I'm mutant Scaredy Cat...

I'm scared of proximity.
Scared of people who treat me too nicely.
Scared when I'm given too much attention.
Scared of making the wrong choice.
Scared of being alone.
Scared of being with the wrong person.
Scared that my intuition is telling me the wrong things.
Scared of taking a chance.
Scared of making a decision.
Scared and always pushing everyone away.

What's wrong with me?
I need a cure.

Please douse my quick tempered fire...

Since young, I've been plagued with a quick temper, either inherited from my papa or because I'm a spoilt little brat, overpampered by my protective parents. And once again, I lost my cool just now... When my lead called me with a sharp tone and I let that little devil inside me loose again and I started to breath funny, my heart pumps faster, my brain gets clouded and my tongue is totally out of control. Yes... words poured out even before my brain could analyse them. I have a wicked tongue, probably honed by the 2 years in JC whereby I had to out-insult this bitch (pardon me) who was in the same class as me to prevent myself from constantly getting put down. I remembered I even sang "You bitch , you bitch you are such a bitch" to her. Haha, haiz... silly me me having done all those stupid things.

Argh... I wish I can be perpetually cool. I wish I can be like Robarto and remain smiling and unfazed even though I have tons of issues assaulting me from all sides. I wish I'm more patient.... Next time, I must take a minute to breath and extinguish my anger before I open my mouth. Yes... *fingers crossed*