Doubts

Sometimes I wish my mind is more lucid. That I know 100% what I am doing is right and I will just go ahead and do what I think I should. But sadly, this female brain of mind has thousands of thoughts splashing about and I can never pin down what I should do. This is how the wimpy and confused lump in my head works:-

"Geez, I am so unhappy about this extra work which I think should not be my work! This guy should not have assigned this task to me."

"Should I ask my boss about this?"

"Oh dear, I told boss. Is it the right thing to do? Did I make enemies with ths guy? Maybe he has his concerns too. Perhaps I should just keep my mouth shut and do all the work. Sighs."

"Why is my boss not doing anything?"

"Ah well, I will just do the work."

"I am so upset about this. I am staying late to complete my job and that idiot guy just went home on the dot. I am FUMING."

"Ah well, I should calm down. This is not good for my health."

"I am so absolutely ANGRY."

"Ok, relax."

"Why is life so UNFAIR?!"

If you notice my train of thought, it keeps going round and round in circles, like a merry carousel. Gosh... I think if I use this brain activity to do some other fulfulling tasks, I probably would have become in genius in no time... Ahhhh.... How to tame this brain of mind? Mind Control Practise..... Hummmmmmmm

What Drives You?

My brother recommended me reading a book which led me to think about what intrinsically motivates me? It gets me to remove the monetary factors and kinda ponder what I will want to be remembered as when I kick the bucket. So this is my sentence "To be a great mum and wife, and to be a fantastic music teacher."

Thinking of what and how I can teach and inspire my son excites me. Learning to sing and play music makes me very happy and I can't wait to learn more. :D

I guess I am still pretty far off from where I hope to be, but I am glad I have something in my life to work towards. Jia you gogo!

Resolutions for 2012...

LOSe WEigHT!!!

Dreary...

Sighs... Licking my wounds. Lick slurp.

A Sense of Worth

It's strange how certain things start to bother me. How my job title does not have a "Senior" stamped in front... How I fumbled slightly when I was asked a technical question when I was caught off guard... How my son did not rush to the door to greet me when I reach home... How I am not THE BUSINESS but the back office... How my salary haven't or may never reach the big 5 ... yesyes... don't laugh. How my weight keep hovering around 65kg...

Yes. These irritate me. The big 3-0 has opened its doors to me and I see 4-0 waving at me from the far end of the corridor and still I have not achieved that elusive "something" I think I need to achieve to feel that I have not wasted all these time.

I need to feel my worth. Sighs.

Happily Ever After :D

We were chatting during lunch today and talking about weddings and gate crashing and so on. Then it occurred to me that I'm a much happier person after getting married and even happier with Little J. Even though life is bloody hectic, I have a doting beng who is always supportive of what I do. I have a little boy whom I rush home to see everyday and I can't wait to go through all his growing up stages together with the beng... I have a dream I am working towards.

On a night like this when I can sit back and take a breather and drop all my worries, I feel strangely contented. Life tastes pretty good. Yummy. :D

My Little Bro

I just read my little bro's blog and it suddenly occurred to me that despite being super studious and getting pretty decent grades for my exam as compared to my brother, I am actually not the brainy nor the gutsy one in the family. He is.

So kudos to good grades and breezing through school. I guess what is most important is having a resilient and uncluttered mind and sticking to what you believe in. This I gotto learn from him.