Bikini Bottom is where Spongebob and Patrick lives....

Feeling quite down about my pathetic career recently. Been running around like a chicken without a head this whole year. Jumping from one job to another but still not finding closure... Fought so hard to go to a place where I thought I can be better appreciated and given more opportunity and in the end... they chose people with longer experience than me to do the task... and i'm relegated to doing bloody testing. Feel so sidelined... Sobs. Really feel like crying out of frustration sometimes. Perhaps if I had stayed on at one place and didn't move around like a crazy monkey... my career path would have been smoother... Sososososososo depressing.

Ah well... which leads me to my next topic. I live for my after 6pm and weekends now. Can't wait to go home and do my stuff so that I don't have to think about work. Recently I've been trying to find a bikini for my trip and today, I finally found one that is reasonably priced and doesn't look too shabby. Anyway, I think it's reasonably priced at 46 bucks... but the beng says why buy something that I will only wear once and never wear again.... x_x. Thanks... Guys will never understand this but there is something about wearing a bikini that is in every woman's to-do list. It ranks up there with "Getting Married" and "Have flawless skin"... So even though I'm pear shaped, I shall take the chance and wear the bikini because this is probably as good as it will get. There is an extremely high likelihood that I will be orange shaped and moving on to watermelon in the not so far future.... But the problem with woman is... after buying a bikini, I think... do I need a scarf to go along with it?... Argh... how troublesome it is to look good....

Anyway, it's nearly 1am... I'm tired and my mind is dwelling on too pessimistic issues... I shall get my beauty sleep now and get ready to visit a potential videographer tmr! :) Life still goes on... quite happily in fact if I minus away my career. Hohohoho.

2 Weddings and a Musical ;)

Well... 2 of my friends took a big step into another chapter of their lives this week. It's so queer that one moment we were still struggling with exams in school and in the blink of an eye, we are all grown up. Feeling kinda sentimental. Kekekeke. But congrats my dear ling and leader. I think both of you have gotten great catches. And ling, congrats on entering haomen! Haha! :)

Other than attending weddings, I managed to squeeze out time to go for AvenueQ with the beng. He kinda fell asleep and only woke up to glare with menace at some latecomer who decided to do a stampede on my toe. The musical was kinda boring and I felt the plot was thin and everything too superficical. There were some funny parts but nothing I can really relate to. There are also "kinky" moments when you see naked sesame-street-like puppets having sex or masturbating to the song "The Internet is for Porn". x_x... I mean... well... what's the point of this? Kekekeke... I think the show that made me laugh the most was still Boeing Boeing. I was in stitches throughout. Man! Can't wait to catch it again.

Anyway, time is flying so fast!!! I have so many things to do!!! Geez... can I not grow old so fast ;D:P

Learning the TaoGays...

Yes, me and Bao signed up for the music theory exam grade 3 at our advanced age. But I'm glad. I'm finally studying something cos' I want to do it and not cos' I have to. Plus I'm going for me singing exam next year again. So exciting. :):):).

I wished I had taken up all these things earlier when I was a kid, so that I can have another skill, and that I can happily play a piece of music now on the piano without struggling like crazy. Keke. Ah well, it's never too late to start I guess.

So after the exam next saturday which I will hopefully not fail. I was go for a little shopping.. and by evening... the Quah will be back in sunny S'pore. Away from the cold and sausages of dreary Berlin. Then we will tuck into Chili crabs for dinner. LG - Life's Good.

PS: It will be better if they can increase my pay by 20%... Okok, I dun push my luck. Just let my weekly thursday dollar cost averaging investment have some returns. HUAT BIG BIG AH!

:D

From the "In" Crowd to the "Out"

I never thought I would feel that way again. Like the time in school. Feeling like an idiotic lost lamb, hoping someone will talk to me, ask me to join them for lunch or just see me, instead of right through me. After years of working life and being an adult, I'm still hounded by the insecurities of the past. Bloody hell. This wasn't what I expected myself to be at the major age of 28. I was supposed to be confident, suave, chic, cool, successful, gorgeous and the list goes on. Instead, I am just the scaredycat nerd I was 10 years before. Guess people don't change, do they? Hmmm....

Ah Geez, anyway... this past week has been eventful.

(1) I met up with my Tapper pals to celebrate Yewpapa's birthday.

(2) Went to a torturous teambuilding whereby I did the canopy walk, which involves me working on just 2 ropes hanging dangling 8 storeys above ground. I think my body went into survival mode, all I could think then was to not die and get through it. After I safely reached the endpoint, my whole body felt weak and I went rubbery soft. I was in a daze the whole night after that and slept through the entire saturnday after the event. I WOULD NEVER DO STUPID STUNTS AGAIN.

(3) Went to meet CJ and NUS classmates for dinner at PS. The weird thing about going for gatherings is that, I always feel an acute sense of inadequacy and envy at my exclassmates. Everybody seems to have their thing going for them. Fantastic job, great career, wonderful perfect life. Whereas I made so many bad moves in my career that probably seriously damaged it for a few years at least. x_x. Yes yes Bengy Quah, I know. Don't compare with other ppl... I'm just lamenting a little. Keke.

Ah well... it's 1am in the morning. I'm going to bed. Tired. Y can't things be perfect. :(

I Don't Want to GO to WORK!

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

Y MUST THE WEEKEND END SO FAST! NEXT TIME DUN CALL IT WEEKEND.

CALL IT WEEKNEVEREND!

OK... lame...


Suffering from severe preMonday Blues....

Starting Anew!

Yes!!! The dream finally came true! I'm marrying into haomen! YEAH! BMWs! High Teas! Spas and Pedis! Here I come!

Ok... yes... all the above are not true. Anyway, I'll be starting my new job at my new ProC division coming week :). So excited and happy to be learning and doing something different. All my weeks of sleepless nites and wars has come to an end. Now, I will just concentrate on my new job and face whatever bumps and knocks with an open heart.

Jia You GOGO!

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Office Politics

Haven't been sleeping well for the past 3 weeks... Had requested for an internal transfer that was met with much opposition. Accusations of being a betrayer and being unmotivated at work were hurled at me, even to the extent of saying that I use them as a jumping board to get into another division... The hard work I put in and the opportunities I sacrificed were heartlessly brushed aside. Sadly. you only see one's true colours during bad times... I realise now that the most important thing about securing a foothole in this mindless rat race is to protect yourself first. Nobody else is going to care about you other than your friends and family members.

Ah well, I guess life is like playing computer games... You gather and acquire skills and knowledge through time and experiences. Knowledge 10 -> 12

Anyway, hope my Quahquah is doing well in Berlin :) and hope I'll have a short and uneventful transition to PayNBonus Division.

Gambate! Da Xiao Ren! Hai YA!

A Trifle Sad

Facing some disappointments workwise... so demoralised lately. And Macho and Robert are leaving... My buddies are all gone. Guess there's nothing much to hold me back liao. :(. If only life is as straightforward as a board game. Just throw the dice and move... dunneed to think so much. Keke. But then things will get boring won't they? Ah well, as the Quah says, we may be at the bottom of the sine curve now, but we'll go up soon :). I hope so x_x.

Words of Wisdom from the Lao Kok Kok Man

I just had a chat with my Papa regarding this article in The Straits Times about this 30 year old engineer who is in a multinational company and he is jaded with his career prospects because all the company care about is the bottom line and nothing at all about its employees.

To which my manager Papa (who spent all his nites and weekends reading up on management and self improvements books) said - A company is always afraid of investing in its employees because it is worried that after spending money developing the staff, they might leave, and all their efforts will come to naught. However, once you think about it clearly, if an employee is groomed by the company; see prospects in his job; receives rewards for his hard work. Who the hell in his right mind would wants to leave? On top of that he will feel loyalty to the company and work hard because he knows that the huge carrot will be there waiting for him at the end of the road. Of course, there is no guarantee that all employees can be retained, but this would greatly improve the percentage. And with that, you will keep the experience and expertise that is so hard to replace once an employee leaves...

Sadly, most companies can't see past all that. Keke. Not sure if it is merely a local culture or are other countries' firms the same. Weird Weird Weird.

Chi Chi Dreams

Just had a chat with Frances about opening a cafe and mixing mocha and hot chocolate for the customers. Which somehow led to both of us talking about us being rich taitais which a penchance for baking "pretty cupcakes" and I was telling her to ask her chaffeur to bring her to my ang mo chu to bake gorgeous cupcakes next time.

She said that after baking, we can drink tea from quaint china tea sets the whole day long and chitchat. After which we will go down for our mani and pedi, followed by a luxurious spa. Then it will be time to fetch our kids. Her child will be studying in ACS and mine in Hwa Chong. So it's kinda along the way because both the schools are in Bukit Timah (Which is good, because our houses should be somewhere in fifth avenue :D. ). Occasionally we will go for our regular botox and laser treatments such that all our friends will look like wang lian pos whereas we still look like we are in our 20s. BWAHAHAHAHA.

Okok, time to stop dreaming. Next time maybe have to work in McCafe while Ah Beng working as a taxidriver (those anyhow cut lanes one) so that our kids can finish poly...

Sighs... But it's nice to dream a little. Kekekeke.

Life has it's own ideas of how things come about...

So if you just hang in there... Life is gonna work things out :).

I realise I was too caught up with trying to safeguard my future, plan this plan that, find a best path to take - that I was completely forgetting to enjoy the present.

As the song goes -

Don't give up the ship, even though you feel it's sinking
And you don't know what to do.
Don't give up your dreams, even though you may be thinking
It never will come true.

Life has it's own ideas of how things come about.
If you just hang in there, life is gonna work it out
And help is on the way
From places you don't know about today
From friends you may not have met yet
Believe me when I say I know
Help is on the way!

You don't have to know
Where the path you are on is leading
You just have to walk along
Dreaming as you go
Asking for the things you are needing
You never will go wrong
If you have faith that things are happening as they should
Then just believe each step you take
Is leading you to something good

:D:D:D:D:D JIA YOU GOGO! :D:D:D:D:D

Should I leave again and be labelled an SJH (Serial Job Hopper)?

I have a job offer. And it's good. Should I leave again? Sighs... Y does life always play games with me? When I want a job, I have none. When I don't have, they keep knocking on my door.

Help! I dunno wat to do....

Learning to speak up...

I read an article today about Asians not being outspoken enough. I agree... I guess I am one of them. Why is that so? Blame it on our education and upbringing. Remember primary school teachers asking us to put our fingers on our lips? Or that children shouldn't challenge adult's authority? Nod... deep psychological impacts were inflicted...

As for me, I can't really stand by my point of view. A little bit of resistance and I back down. Or after I give my opinion to a crowd... I worry about the way I put it across. Was it clear? Did I sound nervous or too agitated or angry? I don't have the confidence to deliver my pitch and stand strong by it. It frustrates me.

Work has been frustrating too. I think an important element in all jobs should be the ability to listen. Just simply to sit down and give your full attention to that person and listen with an open heart. Don't judge. Don't belittle. Don't be impatient. Don't interrupt.

Just listen and practise a little empathy. And you might be able to find that little bridge to seeing the big picture. To understand someone's grouses or unhappiness or problem. Everybody talks to much. For pete's sake.... shut up and listen.

Must learn to speak up and not be a softie asian. As Greg says, you are not a little fly. You are an angry bee. Sting them. (Opps.. but bee die after stinging.) Ok. Be a wasp, sting them many times.

Sing a Song of SixPence, a Pocket Full of Rye!

"Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie! When the pie is opened, the birds began to sing. Isn't it a dainty dish to set before the king!"

I mean.. I wonder if the birds that are singing are cooked or not? I mean if it's cooked birds singing. Then it's really mighty disturbing... BUT! It would show a fantastic ode to singing. I mean the birds love to sing so much that they even sing when their vocal chords are totally roasted.

Sighs, I envy my voice teacher. She is those rare few who is very talented and who also is lucky enough to have that talent honed to perfection ever since she was young. And she's going Boston to have her masters. GEEZ... I would LOVE to be in her shoes. Frankly, at my pathetic 27+ years (Yes, not 28 yet. Duh) of age, I can't seem to find any sliver of slightly outstanding ability, much less talent, in whatever areas I can think of. Yes, I design PCA boards, but I lack the snivelling rat talent of SBG to diedie dig out all the potential problems and whatnots, even though I enjoy doing the landscaping. Yes, I like to tinker on the piano, but my parents and idiot bro would prefer I don't. I LOVE singing, and even though I have a nice singing voice (YES, u naysayers! My music examiner said in the report that I have a pleasing tone to my voice!), I ain't good enough to hold anyone's attention in a solo recital and perhaps at the end only Ah Beng will be there in the theatre, and he will be sleeping. HAHA. ;)

Ah well, I guess the only thing to do now is to enjoy what I love and continue to hone my skills and take me yearly exams. Still got some time left. Keke. JIA YOU GOGO!

Look! It's a Bird! (Mynah to be exact)

I'm stuck in my room with a cold. Thanks to the SBG who "helpfully" coughed and sneezed in my cube. He should be put in quarantine... Geez...

As on all days that I feel sick. I am down and depressed. So those who don't want to hear me mope can quickly click the BACK button. Haha. Yes, I'm back to the world of the human pigs. I must say that I am actually happier back here. With all my friends and colleagues struggling to solve issues, gossiping, OTing with pizzas and fast food, escaping to vivo for lunch to escape the hassles of deadlines and backsideburnt bosses. Even when we are demoralised and down, you know you can safely complain to someone who won't turn around and stick two knives down your back.

But sometimes I wonder if I can do this all my life. I came into this job with a bright ambition burning, hoping I can make it good, become an expert in my field and a Senior in front of my title and then a Principal. Sadly, after nearly 4.5 years of toiling and sweating, I am still at ground 0. Sobs. Not sure if it's due to my downtrodden self esteem, people around me all seem to be taking the express elevator up to the top floor while I'm hardly up any rungs of the ladder than when I first started off working.

And thus, I came to the conclusion that I MUST leave this line. If doing a job I have not alot of talent and interest in, is not bringing me anywhere. Perhaps it's I should follow my dreams and take the plunge. Which leaves only one door open to me. I wished I can knocked on that door 2 years ago instead of now, when the big 3-0 is looming near and I feel slightly old. But better late than never I guess. :D.

So little mynah, Auntie Hong is going to join your flight and not going to waste time climbing ladders and taking elevators or whatnot crap. Fly!!! Be Free!!!

Think i'm nuts. Hope that door opens after I knock though. I have many latches and bolts to unlock. Wish me luck!!! JIA YOU! GOGO! Mmm... need to go temple and pray and gather all the good karma on my side.

2 Fat Pigs

Yes... it's true. I'm getting fat... And I have like only 8 mths to lose weight for my photoshoots. But I can't stop eating!!! Sushis! Chawanmushis! Pratas! Kopi with eggs! They are tempting me everyday! And after a ridiculous day at work, I just want to eat and eat tons of good food during the weekend...

*Burp*

Anyway, the time of reckoning is here, time to decide whether to go back anot... Hohoho... Working in S'pore is tough... and after a few late nites of moaning with frens stuck in dead end jobs... I realise that S'pore's work culture is going from bad to worse. :(. What to do... we only have human resource... and employers are milking us for all we are worth. Stupid Sian Suxs Bloody Hell.

Read something recently that made me see someone's true colours... Anyway, I should have known all along. Just that I kept making excuses or that my short term memory forget after a while... Ah well, some people are just not worth bothering about, the best is never meet again. :X

I realise I keep meeting weird girls... Dunno issit cos' maybe in my last life, I was a philandering jerk and cheated women so badly that they come back for revenge in this life. HAHAHA. Ok... not funny. Anyway, I met this meanie during my JC days. Met a neurotic psycho during my IA. Then after I started on my first job, I thought my days of dealing with kookoo girls are over. Then out pop another one. Hiak Hiak Hiak. And then I realise that it's cos' there are very few girls in my first job... Ah well, girls are tougher nuts to crack. Basically alot are walking emotional pimples waiting to burst... And I think I'm not the only girl to say that there are really many funny girls around... I really prefer a working culture where there are more guys... I feel happier than dealing with hormonal girls. Maybe it's cos' girls like to play guessing games. Like Ah Beng always say, my "yes" can be "no" and my "no" can be "yes". And it pisses him off. So girls end up double guessing each other all the time, and each think each dislike each other and so the story goes...

Let's see, are there really any guys I dislike alot during my worklife?... not really actually... Ah well... OH... i suddenly think of one now. BOM PEE PEE BOM PEE PEE WENEE WENEE BOM PEE PEE. Ok... i stop now. I am being wuliao.

Happy Chinese New Year!

Happy Chinese New Year! Hope 2008 is a HBB year! Huat Big Big! I must go buy TOTO! Let's all ke tou to the PIGGY Statue! ALL HAIL THE PIG!

PS: Anybody who possesses this pig can find a new job. It's true. It's so ling2 that the 2 of the 3 pigs are now stolen.... Only one is left with Robert... who bows to it everyday....

Happiness is all in the mind...

Ok... I knew I would regret angry posts... Haha... Just needed to vent my frustrations... Anyway, to look at the bright side of things, my new flat is like almost completed :). It's the one in the middle and they have started painting it. :D

BTW, bubble tea is my comfort drink as Ribena is Bao's. Been drinking and drinking peach green tea recently... Growing real fat. :(

The guy in the picture has parallex error. He should point more to the right. Anyway, he's the poor guy who has to put up with most of my whining and complaints (sometimes even in the middle of the night cos' I can't sleep and wake up and disturb him). Plus, having to wait for me for lunch in case I get forgotten, then end up can't go lunch with the team... Sighs. I'm such a pain in the butt...

That's my comfort food almost every morning at Margaret Drive. But I guess this coming week will be the last few times I get to go there cos' the beng is not going to drive me to work liao since his workplace will be so far from mine next time. :(

Anyway, another good news is that the RAMs give birth to tons of little babies again and this time round there's high chance that some of them are surviving :). So I guess that's a good thing... :D.

So yup, these are the little things that are keeping me going so far.

Stop the world! I want to get off...

Sheesh... It's been a less than perfect start to the new year. My new job aint going that well and I'm feeling slightly down in the doldrums. Perhaps life till now has always been quite smooth for me and a little bit of setback sends my whole world upside down.

Have been complaining about my job to practically anybody who can listen.... Complain till I'm tired of complaining. Haha. Because sometimes I see the smirk in people's eyes... as if to say geez... what's so tough about what you are doing... and I feel down and useless. And the countless comments on why I do not want to try for a longer time before making up my mind, it's only like a month on. Why don't you do this do that do blah blah blah... I know I shdn't but I want to point middle teeth at anybody who keeps telling me what to do. I want to quit and I want to go back. Firstly it wasn't an easy choice to put down some part of my dignity and secondly I can see clearly that this dumbass job is going to drain me emotionally because I can't handle nasty people very well. A part of me knows that people are just trying to give me advice based on their own experiences, but I'm too pissed off to care. F*** off world! Pardon my language but it fully expresses the feeling that I am going through now. Hohoho.

Perhaps I will regret putting such an angry blog on... but what the hell. I do what I wanna do now. Leave me alone!

You have a bad day...

Feeling useless... I'm not build and programmed for big things. My BEST and EMC/ESD tests fail badly below margin... :'(

Happy New Year 2008 ;)

Woah... 2008. Time flies... Looking back on 2007... well, it hasn't been that great a year but can't say it has been sucky overall...

Milestones : (1) Got new job.
(2) Went to Bali -> Got ring :P.
(3) Finally got a Coach bag.
(4) Started singing lessons again...
(5) ... can't think of anything else... hahahaha

Sighs... my youth is drifting away and I have done nothing for the 27 years on this planet. Anyway... I am going to do something I never did. Yes, I'm going to have resolutions this year!
(1) Pass my singing exam.
(2) Try to get a driving license.
(3) Slim down.
(4) Try to survive THE 6MTHS on my own :'(.
(5) Build up my health.
(6) Go Germany?
(7) Try not to drift too much.
(8) Be cheerful! Like the girl in the Kopiprince!

Ok, 8 resolutions this year! Hope I can follow them. Hiak hiak hiak. Oh yeah, and I must cut down on using plastics bags. Save the Earth!

Happy New Year and May Your Dreams Come True!!!