From the "In" Crowd to the "Out"

I never thought I would feel that way again. Like the time in school. Feeling like an idiotic lost lamb, hoping someone will talk to me, ask me to join them for lunch or just see me, instead of right through me. After years of working life and being an adult, I'm still hounded by the insecurities of the past. Bloody hell. This wasn't what I expected myself to be at the major age of 28. I was supposed to be confident, suave, chic, cool, successful, gorgeous and the list goes on. Instead, I am just the scaredycat nerd I was 10 years before. Guess people don't change, do they? Hmmm....

Ah Geez, anyway... this past week has been eventful.

(1) I met up with my Tapper pals to celebrate Yewpapa's birthday.

(2) Went to a torturous teambuilding whereby I did the canopy walk, which involves me working on just 2 ropes hanging dangling 8 storeys above ground. I think my body went into survival mode, all I could think then was to not die and get through it. After I safely reached the endpoint, my whole body felt weak and I went rubbery soft. I was in a daze the whole night after that and slept through the entire saturnday after the event. I WOULD NEVER DO STUPID STUNTS AGAIN.

(3) Went to meet CJ and NUS classmates for dinner at PS. The weird thing about going for gatherings is that, I always feel an acute sense of inadequacy and envy at my exclassmates. Everybody seems to have their thing going for them. Fantastic job, great career, wonderful perfect life. Whereas I made so many bad moves in my career that probably seriously damaged it for a few years at least. x_x. Yes yes Bengy Quah, I know. Don't compare with other ppl... I'm just lamenting a little. Keke.

Ah well... it's 1am in the morning. I'm going to bed. Tired. Y can't things be perfect. :(