My Little Bro

I just read my little bro's blog and it suddenly occurred to me that despite being super studious and getting pretty decent grades for my exam as compared to my brother, I am actually not the brainy nor the gutsy one in the family. He is.

So kudos to good grades and breezing through school. I guess what is most important is having a resilient and uncluttered mind and sticking to what you believe in. This I gotto learn from him.

Escape from Monkey Island

Reading Bao's new blog made me reflect about myself. I am the type of person who likes to have my cake and eat it... I want everything to fall into place nicely and hate to get out of my comfort zone, which I guess led me to where I am now... I wish I can feel that much enthusiam about what I do...

I guess what I have to do now is to keep reminding myself to find back my passions... rediscover my love for reading, writing and music and see how I can steer my life towards them again and find meaning in what I do. I have been drifting in the electronics junkyard for too long. Must find my way out of the garbage. But first, I am tired... need... my.... bed... and regain my energy bars.....

On days like this... I need a nice cup of hot chocolate...

And curl up into a ball and feel sorry of myself. :'(

Perplexed

Finally I managed to type something. And.... my son just wailed... and the moment has passed again. Ah well, I will just try again another day.

Reminiscing....

An msn conversation with Robert...

Robertus says:
we just ilke and old people remembering the good young days

*PiANoHoNG* says:
we are old liao mah
parents already leh
last time so young and blur
the world was our oyster
now we open the oyster but inside only got sand
no pearl

Robertus says:
nevermind fresh oyster also nice

*PiANoHoNG* says:
......
HAHA

yummy

Whiny Me

I'm whiny and I know it. I'm here eating an entire piece of cheesecake by myself when I should be dieting. I should get more sleep but I can't and being tired makes me more whiny. I have classes to attend, exams to prepare, milk to pump, cries to soothe and I need some private time.

I need a time out.  

Starting a new Journey with Little J

I've been finding it hard to cope with the newcomer in my life. The self centered me finds little time for myself - something which I value and need alot since I'm working towards a career switch. But this little boy cries and demands for my attention almost every minute of the day (and night) and it was nearly driving me nuts.

After 2 months of struggling and sleep deprivation, I guess I'm slowly getting the hang of things and it is heart warming to have a cute little face smiling up and making happy squealing sounds from the hammock when I'm home.

Life is going to be tougher now for me and the Quah, but I guess it will be more interesting too... Let's see. :)

Round in circles I go....

Isn't it queer that the things that you usually look forward to are often disappointing when they arrive? And that lessons that maybe you have not quite overcome in the past always coming back to haunt you? Here I go again... back to the same situation over and over again. I probably only have myself to blame. Sighs.

Our Little Boy Jarrett

Courtesy of Auntie... okok.. not auntie... sister Frances

You have no idea how much disruption this little boy has caused to our lives.... My house is in a mess. My bank acct is decreasing. My sleep is disrupted. And I am under so much stress to learn how to handle him. Help!

Obsessive Compulsive Mummy (OCM)

I don't know if I will become one of them.... U know... mummies who post multiple similar pictures of their kids on facebook every second of the day, have blogs of their babies doing first person narrative, talk about their kids every minute and so on and so forth. Even though I am heavily pregnant now... I am still kinda turned off by all these blatant displays of unadulterated affection for their little salivating bundles and their need to share their love to the world at large... who probably find all babies alike...

But somehow, I am not sure if my feelings will change... I heard that everything goes topsy turvy when you set eyes on your little bundle of joy and it's like you will be kana blessed or cursed with OCM. Maybe I will be the most fanatical of the lot. I will post even things like poop and regurgitated milk and thinks the world of my little boy who manages to accomplish all that. Yikes... the thought is freaking me out. But then again... once I have OCM... it's unimaginable what else I can do. Hohohoho... scary.

Late Addition to my New Year Resolution

Since there are already some points in my old list that I probably cannot fulfil this year. I thought I need to add something important that I have to constantly remind myself to be this year:-

Be Gutsy and Confident.

Guess I have always been putting myself across to people as more quiet and timid. It's time to hear this Leo ROAR.

*GROWL GROWL*

Reaction from a little boy to another little boy about my tummy

"Wah Seh, pregnant leh!"

Happy New Year to All!

I am never one for New Year resolutions... but I think this year I will jot down all the things that I will try to accomplish in 2011... Hohoho. In order of priority:-

1) Become a mummy (not the Brendan Fraser one) - yes... no running away from that. Come late Feb, early March, little Jarrett will officially become a Singaporean whether he like it or not.

2) Learn to drive safely - I hope...

3) Find a better paying new job with a better environment and people who appreciates me more. Ok lar, asking for too much. Cut down to "Find a better paying new job". (Shh... don't tell ppl)

4) Pass my piano, singing & maybe theory exams - *Praypray*

5) Go for Kodaly Level 2

Ok, 5 resolutions to keep me busy for the whole of next year I think... on top of everyday chores that has no choice but to be done. For the coming New Year, I hope that my family and friends succeed in whatever they do and have good health and plenty of happiness in their lives. Have a great year ahead! Muacks!

Merry Christmas :)

I am happy. For the first time in a long time. Everything seems finally in place and I am contented. :) Perhaps it's the thought that the year end holidays are coming and I can have a well deserved break. Looking back, this has been a year full of milestones. I sang at the Arts House, thickened my skin and attended the Kodaly Seminar, got my Grade 5 singing and Grade 2 piano certs, worked like a dog and got some rewards, learnt to cook porridge :P, and most importantly, got pregnant to a little rabbit who's forever rolling happily in my tummy. I guess I did pretty good.

Let's enjoy the end of rest of this year and make the most of it... resting and singing. GOD Bless!

Enduring Mediocrity

Today I was suddenly struck by a sense of mediocrity... waddling around the lab and office and feeling really inadequate. Like I suddenly realised that after 30 years of being alive in this world, I have accomplished nothing. I struggle trying to be a good engineer everyday but somehow it never seems good enough. I struggle to practise my music and pass my exams but am still lacking. Argh... I am so frustrated.

But despite all these obstacles... somehow these few years have been one of the more meaningful in my life. My favourite time of the day is after work on weekdays to sit in the beng's car and bitch to him about things at work or just simply sit quietly there and enjoy his company. I love weekend mornings best when I wake up and see a little walnut head lying half hidden in the big pillow and relish not getting out of bed. And now with little Jarrett's impending arrival, it is a joy to just go shopping and look at little booties and caps and shock ourselves over the price of breast pumps and sterilizers... things that never in my life I thought I would use... that I have finally become grown-up... Yesyes... at the grand old age of 30... I still feel pretty much like a kid... I am a slow bloomer.

So I guess now that I have a little boy that I have to take care of and a little husband who is always there to support me when I feel down, life does seem more meaningful in spite of all the feelings of inadequacies... :). Counting my blessings and gonna continue working hard towards my dreams! Jia you gogo! Fighting!

A Little Sad :(

It's Friday night and I am still in the office. I think the 7 years in my career are just wasted time and energy. So bloody sad.

Carpe Diem

Beautiful Quotes from Dead Poet's Society....

"They're not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they're destined for great things, just like many of you, their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? - - Carpe - - hear it? - - Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary."

"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"

The only thing constant is Change...

It's with a twinge of sadness that I have to say goodbye again. My dear little friend Feng will be going back to China to embrace her new life there and her messy old cube will have a new person sitting there. I have refused to go over to her now empty cube to see all the junk and her weird concoctions all gone because I think I might cry. It would have been better if she didn't have to leave Singapore, then I can see her now and then. It quite sprung on me this morning that I might never get a chance to see her in my life again. But I must remember to keep in touch with her and not lose this friendship. Ah gee... lump in throat. Time to stop writing and watch brainless tv to distract me. ARGH! Irritating Feng... make me so sad.

I think that even though I know things change and people leave... I am glad that there are things around me that are constant. Like my silly quah and my dear old family and friends.

Bon Voyage and I will visit you in Beijing. Keep a room for me. :)

Up up up...

Not sure why I get so frustrated if I happen to waste any of my precious weekend. I think I have too many things on my plate and I'm trying to gorge myself full to make up for all the wasted time and trampled opportunities I should have taken when I was younger. But somehow all these has taken a toll on me. Maybe I should just throw out all those things that are burdening me down and start anew.

I'm tired. And I have wasted my long weekend sulking. Argh.

M & M

I have been plagued by the green eyed monster lately. It's depressing to see everybody around you doing so well in life and at work when you know you are headed for Middle-aged Mediocrity (M&M). In my 20s, the big 3 is supposed to be the best time of your life. After struggling through the early years of working life, the 30s is supposed to be the time when you reap some rewards for the hardship and late nights put in. But sadly... it doesn't seem to be that way. Gen Y people hitting the workforce are earning more than you and your smugly successful and wealthy friends are... well... wealthy and successful. And you see yourself getting older, saggly, wrinkly, balding and... you get the flow. Younger folks look at you and think you are old. Having a career switch is so bloody tough and as the Eight Days column puts it, my eggs are not getting any fresher but I need to find stability before I can attempt to nurture that stale egg. Haha.... *Bitter Laughter*

Yes I know... pull myself together... But I need to complain sometimes... Geez... Curse the world!!! Ok... feel better. Going to bed.