Today I was suddenly struck by a sense of mediocrity... waddling around the lab and office and feeling really inadequate. Like I suddenly realised that after 30 years of being alive in this world, I have accomplished nothing. I struggle trying to be a good engineer everyday but somehow it never seems good enough. I struggle to practise my music and pass my exams but am still lacking. Argh... I am so frustrated.
But despite all these obstacles... somehow these few years have been one of the more meaningful in my life. My favourite time of the day is after work on weekdays to sit in the beng's car and bitch to him about things at work or just simply sit quietly there and enjoy his company. I love weekend mornings best when I wake up and see a little walnut head lying half hidden in the big pillow and relish not getting out of bed. And now with little Jarrett's impending arrival, it is a joy to just go shopping and look at little booties and caps and shock ourselves over the price of breast pumps and sterilizers... things that never in my life I thought I would use... that I have finally become grown-up... Yesyes... at the grand old age of 30... I still feel pretty much like a kid... I am a slow bloomer.
So I guess now that I have a little boy that I have to take care of and a little husband who is always there to support me when I feel down, life does seem more meaningful in spite of all the feelings of inadequacies... :). Counting my blessings and gonna continue working hard towards my dreams! Jia you gogo! Fighting!
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