Happy New Year to All!

I am never one for New Year resolutions... but I think this year I will jot down all the things that I will try to accomplish in 2011... Hohoho. In order of priority:-

1) Become a mummy (not the Brendan Fraser one) - yes... no running away from that. Come late Feb, early March, little Jarrett will officially become a Singaporean whether he like it or not.

2) Learn to drive safely - I hope...

3) Find a better paying new job with a better environment and people who appreciates me more. Ok lar, asking for too much. Cut down to "Find a better paying new job". (Shh... don't tell ppl)

4) Pass my piano, singing & maybe theory exams - *Praypray*

5) Go for Kodaly Level 2

Ok, 5 resolutions to keep me busy for the whole of next year I think... on top of everyday chores that has no choice but to be done. For the coming New Year, I hope that my family and friends succeed in whatever they do and have good health and plenty of happiness in their lives. Have a great year ahead! Muacks!

Merry Christmas :)

I am happy. For the first time in a long time. Everything seems finally in place and I am contented. :) Perhaps it's the thought that the year end holidays are coming and I can have a well deserved break. Looking back, this has been a year full of milestones. I sang at the Arts House, thickened my skin and attended the Kodaly Seminar, got my Grade 5 singing and Grade 2 piano certs, worked like a dog and got some rewards, learnt to cook porridge :P, and most importantly, got pregnant to a little rabbit who's forever rolling happily in my tummy. I guess I did pretty good.

Let's enjoy the end of rest of this year and make the most of it... resting and singing. GOD Bless!

Enduring Mediocrity

Today I was suddenly struck by a sense of mediocrity... waddling around the lab and office and feeling really inadequate. Like I suddenly realised that after 30 years of being alive in this world, I have accomplished nothing. I struggle trying to be a good engineer everyday but somehow it never seems good enough. I struggle to practise my music and pass my exams but am still lacking. Argh... I am so frustrated.

But despite all these obstacles... somehow these few years have been one of the more meaningful in my life. My favourite time of the day is after work on weekdays to sit in the beng's car and bitch to him about things at work or just simply sit quietly there and enjoy his company. I love weekend mornings best when I wake up and see a little walnut head lying half hidden in the big pillow and relish not getting out of bed. And now with little Jarrett's impending arrival, it is a joy to just go shopping and look at little booties and caps and shock ourselves over the price of breast pumps and sterilizers... things that never in my life I thought I would use... that I have finally become grown-up... Yesyes... at the grand old age of 30... I still feel pretty much like a kid... I am a slow bloomer.

So I guess now that I have a little boy that I have to take care of and a little husband who is always there to support me when I feel down, life does seem more meaningful in spite of all the feelings of inadequacies... :). Counting my blessings and gonna continue working hard towards my dreams! Jia you gogo! Fighting!

A Little Sad :(

It's Friday night and I am still in the office. I think the 7 years in my career are just wasted time and energy. So bloody sad.

Carpe Diem

Beautiful Quotes from Dead Poet's Society....

"They're not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they're destined for great things, just like many of you, their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? - - Carpe - - hear it? - - Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary."

"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"

The only thing constant is Change...

It's with a twinge of sadness that I have to say goodbye again. My dear little friend Feng will be going back to China to embrace her new life there and her messy old cube will have a new person sitting there. I have refused to go over to her now empty cube to see all the junk and her weird concoctions all gone because I think I might cry. It would have been better if she didn't have to leave Singapore, then I can see her now and then. It quite sprung on me this morning that I might never get a chance to see her in my life again. But I must remember to keep in touch with her and not lose this friendship. Ah gee... lump in throat. Time to stop writing and watch brainless tv to distract me. ARGH! Irritating Feng... make me so sad.

I think that even though I know things change and people leave... I am glad that there are things around me that are constant. Like my silly quah and my dear old family and friends.

Bon Voyage and I will visit you in Beijing. Keep a room for me. :)

Up up up...

Not sure why I get so frustrated if I happen to waste any of my precious weekend. I think I have too many things on my plate and I'm trying to gorge myself full to make up for all the wasted time and trampled opportunities I should have taken when I was younger. But somehow all these has taken a toll on me. Maybe I should just throw out all those things that are burdening me down and start anew.

I'm tired. And I have wasted my long weekend sulking. Argh.

M & M

I have been plagued by the green eyed monster lately. It's depressing to see everybody around you doing so well in life and at work when you know you are headed for Middle-aged Mediocrity (M&M). In my 20s, the big 3 is supposed to be the best time of your life. After struggling through the early years of working life, the 30s is supposed to be the time when you reap some rewards for the hardship and late nights put in. But sadly... it doesn't seem to be that way. Gen Y people hitting the workforce are earning more than you and your smugly successful and wealthy friends are... well... wealthy and successful. And you see yourself getting older, saggly, wrinkly, balding and... you get the flow. Younger folks look at you and think you are old. Having a career switch is so bloody tough and as the Eight Days column puts it, my eggs are not getting any fresher but I need to find stability before I can attempt to nurture that stale egg. Haha.... *Bitter Laughter*

Yes I know... pull myself together... But I need to complain sometimes... Geez... Curse the world!!! Ok... feel better. Going to bed.

Say "AhHHHh"

In case you are grossed out. Don't. Those are your vocal cords and they produce beautiful sounds....

Application for being a therapist is open again and it will be my second attempt to get a coverted place out of the 22 that will be open. Please wish me luck. I do not want to be an engineer forever.

Praypray :). Jia You GOGO!

I went into the woods...

“I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately.
I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.
To put to rout all that was not life,
and not when I had come to die,
discover that I had not lived.”

– from Walden

Performed at the Arts House :)

Ok... It was more of like a showcase of amateur singers but I'm glad I did it! :). And I passed my Grade 5 exam! To Grade 6 and infinity! WOHOO!

Arty Farty Saturday

It's been an interesting Saturday, thanks to the little Bao, who brought me to enjoy a performance of SSO. And even attending a pre concert talk to understand more about the pieces played and the composers. Recently I have been reading up on famous composers and their lives and it's so interesting to delve into the history of these musical geniuses. I am amazed how they could put all these instruments together to create a magical myraid of sounds... And there in the programme, it was actually said that Chopin started learning piano at the age of 5 and had his first written score published when he was 7. Bloody hell. How issit possible? Maybe olden days no tv to distract the development of brilliant minds....

Oh... 5pm... time to watch spongebob squarepants!

Queer Little Man

I had the misfortune of meeting this queer little man last year and I hope I will finally be rid of him. It is ironic how IQ and EQ do not always go hand in hand. After the countless tortures of having to listen to his big talks using long often incomprehensible sentences, his uncomfortable awkward laughter, his overestimation of his intelligence and how things "should be done", I hope I won't ever have to see him again.

Because of his preconceived notions of my "non-existent abilities, I was constantly targeted for not being able to follow processes and being unable to anticipate what is needed. I wasted my past year doubting my capabilities and feeling small, which was a huge toll on my mental health. Thank goodness the patient Beng counteracted these by acting as the "good angel" giving me prep talks against the little man's "devil". And no matter how hard I try to brace myself up over the weekend, I always get beaten down whenever I talk to him again. Imagine asking me "Do you understand?" after every slide he presented and telling me in front of the group that "You are weak in this area." How I long for retorting and giving him a HUGE piece of my mind but I have to swallow my pride and give a mild yes. Even before his departure, he had to torture me by bringing up my "flops" and teaching me what I should have done.

Up till now, I believe he thinks he has been trying to help me, but I wish I can tell him that he totally gave me the opposite impression. I just want to blurt all these out and move on. I must train my mind to be stronger and not be unhappy because of all these people... Nobody should make me feel small about myself. Jia you gogo!

Someday we'll find it... the rainbow connection...

Why are there so many songs about rainbows

and what's on the other side?

Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,

and rainbows have nothing to hide.

So we've been told and some choose to believe it.

I know they're wrong, wait and see.

Someday we'll find it,

the rainbow connection.

The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Who said that every wish would be heard

and answered when wished on the morning star?

Somebody thought of that and someone believed it.

Look what it's done so far.

What's so amazing that keeps us star gazing

And what do we think we might see?

Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.

The lovers, the dreamers and me.

All of us under its spell.

We know that it's probably magic.

Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?

I've heard them calling my name.

Is this the sweet sound that called the young sailors.

The voice might be one and the same.

I've heard it too many times to ignore it.

It's something that I'm supposed to be.

Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.

The lovers, the dreamers and me...

The Headless Chicken Dance

Been pretty lost lately. Wondering what I should do with my life at the ripe old age of 30. Trust me... when you are at this point of your life without any major achievements... you suddenly hear the alarm bell ringing in your head going "Time is running out! Time is running out!"

Isn't it weird that whenever you are down and out and want to find someone to talk to... you realise there ain't any. Either that or you get some superficial or those brush-it-aside consolation... Something like "Brace up, things will get better" or some mildly impatient "Get on with your life" or "It's not the end of the world"... I dunno but it's like the human race nowadays cannot take failure... or are impatient if you fall on your knees too long and they expect you to be up and running and recover asap. But wah lau... you fall hard leh. Also need recovery time right? Gee... I'm tired. Either that or maybe my expectations are too high... again. Next time I will try not to have expectations.

Strangely disappointed with the human race. (Except the little beng and an idiotic bro whom I think may be aliens in disguise)